Mew Mew Couple Therapy!
by MewCuxie12
Summary: I have taken Tokyo Mew Mew to couple therapy and its getting a little out of hand...-EDITED-
1. Whats the big idea?

Cuxie: Welcome, welcome! This is my second fanfic(i still haven't finished the first, heehee). Ichigo, if you will.

Ichigo: Okie. MewCuxie does not own TMM.

Cuxie: Now...onto Mew Mew Couple Therapy!

* * *

"Everyone I have a surprise!" Everyone from TMM magically appear before MewCuxie12.

"Whats up?" Mint asks.

"Being the all powerful authoress I am, I decided that I didn't like the main couple in TMM."

"You mean me and Masaya?" asked Ichigo.

"Yes that. So I'm taking you all to couple therapy!" Everyone gasps.

"If this is about Ichigo and her stupid boyfriend why do we all have to go?" Ryou asked snidely.

"He's not stupid!"

"Shut up!" They were beginning to get on Cuxie's nerves. "Because I realized that there are 5 girls and 6 boys and only 2 couples. There is something wrong with that!"

"Yeah but--"

"Shut up!" Cuxie typed something on the computer and everyone was transported to a cushiony room with one of those long chairs that you see on TV. "Here we are!" Everyone looks around.

"So this is it?" Ryou says snobbly.

"You got anything better in mind?"

"No."

"Then this is it!"

"I was just thinking...if there are 5 girls and 6 guys then..."

"Oh. One of you guys will leave here lonely. Sorry!" Cuxie explained with a smile. She didn't sound sorry at all.

"What?!" All the guys scream at once.

"So where is this therapist?" Zakuro looked around.

"I'm right here," Cuxie said.

"You're the therapist?!"

"Would everyone stop shouting?!" The room got quiet. "Now lets begin. I'm going to go around the room and call on each one of you. When I do I want you to tell everyone what kind of person you're looking for." Everyone started whispering. "Quiet!"

"Quit yelling at us!" Kish says standing up. Cuxie types something on the computer and two pitbulls appeared from thin air! "Would you like to repeat that"

"Grrrrrr!"

"Um..." Kish sat back down quietly. "Good!" She types something else and the dogs disappear. "Now lets start! Ichigo."

"I already found the person I'm looking for." she says smiling at Masaya.

"Do it anyway!"

"Geez, you're loud! Fine. I want someone sweet, generous, who loves animals--"

"Stop describing your boyfriend! Thats it!" Cuxie pushes a hidden button on the wall and a pit-hole opens up underneath Masaya's feet!

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" _**Splish!**_

"Masaya!!! What did you do to him?!" Ichigo shrieked.

"He is being eaten by sharks as we speak!" Ichigo fainted.

"I think its about time we got rid of him anyway." Kish says proudly.

"Thank you Kish. So I guess since Ichigo is out cold its your turn Mint."

Mint glanced around. "Um, alright. I want someone nice dependaple, caring. Thats about it."

"Very good Mint. That's how your all supposed to do it. Now you Lettuce what kind of guy are you looking for?"

"Do I really have to?" Lettuce asked nervously.

"No. Go sit back down." Lettuce breathed a sigh of relief and went back to her seat in the circle.

"Hey!" Ichigo said finally waking up.

"Finally awake I see," Cuxie said. "What now Ichigo?"

"Why doesn't Lettuce have to go?" Someone asked.

"To be honest, I don't really care what kind of people you're all looking for. I already have the couples matched up in my head. You're all gonna go with whoever I tell you to anyway and the chances of each of you getting matced with the guy or girl you're looking for is slim to none. So it doesn't really matter what you say to me," Cuxie explained.

Everyone looked at her like she was crazy. "Then whats the whole point of this exercise?!" Mint yelled.

"There is no point I was just bored." At that everyone passes out."Um, o-kay. Hey I wonder where Pudding and Tart are." Cuxie turned to see Pudding and Tart in a corner deep in their own conversation. It looked pretty serious too. "What's up guys?"

"Is it true you're going to seperate me and Tart?" Pudding asked, her eyes watering.

"Of course not!" Cuxie said patting her on the head like a little kid. "You guys are the only couple here without problems. Actually, right now, you two are the **ONLY **couple here period."

"We are **NOT **a couple!" Tart said looking down at his feet.

"Here." Cuxie said handing them two things that looked liked passes.

"What are these?" Tart asked skeptically.

"These are tickets for the circus across the street. You two go have fun."

"Yay! Tar-Tar we get two go to the circus!" Pudding cheered.

"Okay, whatever that is its gotta be better than watching them sleep. Lets go!" Tart grabbed Pudding's hand and teleported them both to the circus.

"Guess now I have to wait until these idiots wake up," Cuxie sighed. "I'm going to get a root beer float."

* * *

Cuxie: Thanks for reading! Next chapter we will be fighting, kissing, and PANDAS! Lots and lots of pandas!(and spin the bottle! heehee)!

Koboshi: Riiight...

Cuxie: Hey! You're not in this story!

Koboshi: I'm staying!

Cuxie: Whatever...Anyway folks, stay tuned for chapter 2 of "Mew Mew Couple Therapy"!


	2. Love, War, and PANDAS!

Cuxie: Well I'm back and I'm NOT happy!

Ryou: Whats up with you?

Cuxie: Shut-up!

Ryou:(backs away slowly)

Cuxie: Onto the reviews.

Ryou: Maybe I should do the reviews since you're in your 'mood'.

Cuxie: I think I can handle talking to my fans!

**Sorrel-Piedra:** Thank you! I'm so glad u like it! I will keep up the writing.

**Ashiteru Istudemo:** I updated as fast as I could. I hope you like this new chapter.

**BuKitten:** I'm soo glad you thought it was funny. And I'll be sure to take a look at your stories.

**Kin756894:** I can't tell you who's gonna get together just yet. You'll have to wait for future chappies. I was a little concerned about the paragraph order myself. I'll definetly take your advice with this chapter. I usually don't write like that anyway.

Cuxie: Now that I have answered all my NICE reviewers, we can get on with the story. By the way, I know I refer to myself in the third person. I like to since I'm in the story.

Ryou: On with the chapter. Oh! And MewCuxie12 does not own TMM.

Cuxie: Thanks.

* * *

Everyone was beginnig to wake up now. Tart and Pudding had just come back from the circus carrying teddy bears, balloons, popcorn and a million of those little light show toys(don't ask me where they got the money for all that junk). And Cuxie was finishing up her root beer float.

"Good. Now that you're all awake its time to move on to the next exercise!" said the all powerful authoress/therapist.

"And the next exercise would be...?" Mint asked.

"Spin the bottle!"

"What?!" Everyone screamed at once.

"What did I tell you all about screaming! Geez. Now everyone sit in a circle." They did as Cuxie said. "Good. Now heres how it works: The person spinning has to kiss whoever the bottle lands on. And of course I'll be documenting this."

"What do you mean by that?" Ryou asked skeptically.

"You'll see." Cuxie typed something on the computer and a bottle appeared in the center of the circle and a camera appeared in her lap. "Kish you go first."

"Ok!" Kish spun, but before the bottle even stopped Kish jumped on Ichigo and started kissing her. They kissed for what seemed like hours, despite the fact the Ichigo was kicking and flailing like a crazy woman.

"Hey! I said one kiss not a whole make-out session!" Cuxie yelled. Finally, out of his need to breathe, Kish broke away. Ichigo fell to the floor gasping for air.

"My God! Was that your tongue?!" Ichigo was still trying to catch her breath.

"Yep! Like my kiss?" Kish asked, teasing her now.

"Alright Let--wait! I almost forgot!" Cuxie typed something else and Masya came back to life!

"Masaya!" Guess who said that.

"Yeah I brought him back because--" Ichigo cut her off.

"Because you felt bad about separating us and wanted us to be together because you realized we were meant for each other?"

"Uh, NO! I brought him back again because I had so much fun killing him the first time I wanted to try it again! You two still can't be together." Ichigo stared in disbelief.

"So let me get this straight," Ichigo started, "you brought him back,_**just **_so you could kill him again?!"

"Yep." Cuxie answered simply.

"Noo! I won't let you!" she said, grabbing Masaya's arm.

"**I **am the authoress here! It's not for you to decide." Cuxie typed something on the computer and Masaya's arm came off. You know, the one Ichigo was holding.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Masya!!!!!!!!!!!! Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I broke him!!!!" just then an alien invader busted through the wall and zaped Masaya with a ray gun, turning him to ashes. Ichigo turned to Cuxie gaping.

"I had nothing to do with that, I swear!" And once again, Ichigo fainted. "Ooook...Like I was saying; Lettuce you're up!"

"Umm, ok I guess..." Lettuce spun the bottle and was obviously nervous while Cuxie was getting her camera ready. The bottle landed on none other than Ryou Shirogane! Lettuce blushed beet red. Ryou flushed a little.

"Spin it again!" Cuxie demanded.

"What?" they both asked.

"AGAIN!" Lettuce looked slightly disappointed but did as she was told. And it once again landed on Ryou.

"You're cheating!" Cuxie accused.

"No I'm not!" Lettuce protested.

"If it lands on Ryou one more time I'm locking you in the closet with a swarm of poisonus spiders!"

"Auh..." Lettuce spun again. Hands shaking, stomach in knots, silently praying it wasn't Ryou even though she had wanted to kiss him. Lucky for her the bottle did not land on Ryou again, but on Tart! Tart and Pudding were busy with there light show toys and didn't notice.

"Tart!" Cuxie called.

"What?" he asked, annoyed that she had interrupted his fun.

"Go kiss Lettuce."

"WHAT?! I'm not kissing that hag!"

"You have to. Its spin the bottle."

"But I don't want to upset Pudding." Lettuce said meekly.

"**DO IT!!!**" Cuxie said in her thunder voice. They hesitated at first then, in fear of Cuxie's authoress powers, gave each other a quick kiss(on the lips!). "Lettuce how could you?!" Pudding screamed.

"Blech!" Tart said walking back over to Pudding who by now was gaping at him wondering if she was dreaming. Lettuce just walked quietly back to her seat disappointed that she didn't get to kiss Ryou.

"What?" Tart said confused as to why Pudding was gawking at him. _**SLAP!**_

"How could you Tar-Tar?!** WE'RE THROUGH!!!**" Pudding screamed at him and stormed out of the room.

"Pudding come back!" Tart said running after her.

"Looks like they're the ones who need couple therapy." Zakuro said matter-of-factly.

"You're right!" Cuxie gasped. "Maybe that long chair over there could come in handy."

"You're gonna need two of them." Zakuro advised.

"You're right again. But first lets find those tw--" she stopped when she thought she heard music. "Is that...Drumming?" Cuxie looked out the window. "AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaah!"

"What?!" Everyone rushed over.

"Its the PANDA PARADE!!! I can't believe I forgot!" Truth be told, pandas, panda toys, and panda themed floats were sailing across the street."Lets go!" And with that said, everyone raced outside.

Cuxie was running all over the place. Going loco at the sight of all the pandas. "Look, look, look! I got a Pandapple plushie!" She had completely forgotten about the task at hand until...

"Hey! Isn't that Tart?" Pie asked walking over to him.

"Yeah, but...wheres Pudding?" Cuxie asked finally coming back to reality.

"She's gone..." Tart said sadly. "I lost her in the crowd. Now how are we ever gonna find her? She could be anywhere."

"Tart if I didn't know any better...I'd say you were_ worried _about her." Mint said slyly.

"I-I'm not! I just haven't gotten her back yet for hitting me!" He turned away to hide his blush.

"Don't worry." Cuxie said reassuring him. "We'll sort all this out in Couple Therapy."

"Your stupid couple therapy is what got me into this mess! If you hadn't made me kiss that hag..." Tart said pointing at Lettuce. "...my girlfriend wouldn't have broken up with me!"

"So _now _she's your girlfriend!" Cuxie teased.

"..."

"Don't worry we'll--Ah!" She pointed to an apple shape float. On top was a cute little panda with an apple-cap. "It's the **REAL** Pandapple!" She screamed running toward the float. Moments later she came back with the small Panda on a chain. "Lets go before they catch us!" And with that they all ran back toward their therapy center being chased by a crowd of angry Pandapple fans.

* * *

Cuxie: There you have it.

Tart: What the heck was that?!

Cuxie: What?

Tart: You made Pudding break up with me! You said you wouldn't separate us!

Cuxie: Yeah...but I'm making this up as I go along, so things change.

Tart: Grrrrrrrrrrr!

Cuxie:(backs away from Tart)Oooooook...Anyway folks, thats all for now. Stay tuned for the next chappie of "Mew Mew Couple Therapy"!

Questions that linger: 1)Will Pudding and Tart get back together? 2)Will Pandapple be able to escape Cuxie's grasp. 3)Will Ichigo EVER wake up?! 4)How will Masaya be killed next chapter? All questions will be answered next chapter.(Maybe)


	3. The Baka goes to HELL!

Cuxie:I guess I'm back.

Mint:What's wrong.

Cuxie:You know what? I'm skipping reviews. I don't feel like 'em right now.

Mint:Ok...

Cuxie:I'm not much into this story anymore and some of the reviews are pretty discouraging...but I hate it when people don't finish their stories so I won't be a hypocrite. And I just recently got some good reviews so...

Mint:Well as long as you finish.

Cuxie:Yeah. Ok. Onto the chapter.

* * *

Pandapple in tow the crew raced down the streets. The enter the center and triple locked the door. But they never expected what they saw next. 

Pudding. Masaya. MAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, talk about child abuse. She's like, 10! He's 15! My God!

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Tart screamed. Tart questioned his love for Pudding sometimes, and of course he would never admit to anyone that he liked her...but if there was one thing he couldn't stand it was watching her be with any other guy. Especially that gay bastard. So of course he did the only sensible thing...

**POW!! **He punched him! Tart may not be the strongest guy you'll ever meet, but he's got one heck of a left hook!

"DON'T YOU **EVER** COME NEAR MY GIRLFRIEND AGAIN OR I SWEAR TO GOD YOU WON'T LIVE TO SEE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. He stood protectively in front of Pudding. Masaya, being the wimp that he is, couldn't even stand up. But of course things got worse for him(because I'm evil!). Ichigo stood in front of him, hands on her hips, glaring down.

"I-Ichigo?" Masaya stuttered.

"You know what?" Ichigo said simply.

"What?"

"I'm through with you, you BAKA!" That being said she kicked Masya in the stomach and he coughed up blood.

"YEAH!" Cuxie screamed and whipped out her labtop. She typed something at the speed of light. And in an instant the local of zoo paraded over Masya's immobile body. Monkeys jumped on his back, lions scraped him with their claws, and 10 elephants marched over him. Shortly after, Native indians came and made a circle around Masya's body. Ceramoinally setting him on fire. Lastly leaving him to be hit by a meteor that sunk to the firery pits of hell. Taking Masya, or what was left of him, with it.

"Good riddance." Ichigo muttered.

"Whoo! Well now that that's done..." Cuxie looked over at Tart who was steaming at Pudding for replacing him with that baka. Pudding on the other hand was crying angrilily and retorting to everything Tart said. "Okay lets do this!" Cuxie typed something and the room returned to normal. Only this time their were to long chairs, which were being occupied by Pudding and Tart, and one stool next to them for Cuxie.

"So what seems to be the problem?" Stupid question. She had witnessed everything and knew exactly why they were fighting. And that it was her fault in the first place.

"He/She cheated on me!" They both said at the same time.

"Okay," Cuxie prentended to scribble something on a clipboard. "Pudding you go first."

"Well, me and Tart were fine, na no da. We were playing with our light show toys then all of a sudden he goes and kisses LETTUCE!" tears were streaming down Pudding's face.

"Tart why did you kiss Lettuce?" Cuxie asked innocently.

"BECAUSE **YOU** TOLD ME TOO!!!" he screamed angrily.

"See? There you go blaming someone else for all your problems. This is between you and Pudding. Talk to--!" _RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!! _"My cell. Hang on. Hello?...Hey...I know, I'm sorry...Do whatever you want with him...I'm sorry. It...It couldn't be helped...Thank you...Okay...Bye!" she hung up her cell and turned to face everyone who was deathfully quiet. "That was Satan. He's a little upset about having to deal with Masaya. But anyway! Back to the chibis." she turned to face Tart and Pudding. "Tart. You need to explain things to Pudding."

He sighed. "Pudding, you know I would never cheat on you or do anything to hurt you. I didn't **want** to kiss Lettuce. I'm sorry." he looked down shyly.

"Oh, TarTar!" Pudding hugged him tight. "I'm sorry I tried to replace you with Ichigo's baka boyfriend, na no da!"

"EX-boyfriend!" Ichigo pointed out. Everyone else cooed at how cute the pair were, an an "Awwwwwwwww!" went around the room.

"So? What have we learned?" Cuxie smiled brightly.

"We learned that in order to maintain any relationship the couple has to be able to trust each other." Tart said holding his now official girlfriend.

"Uh, NO! We learned that this was all Lettuce's fault!" Cuxie said pointing an accusing finger at Lettuce.

"Wha?!" Lettuce cried.

"Shut-up! We don't need **you** causing more problems, Mary-sue! Now...everyone get redy. We're doing **Trust Exercise** next! Right Pandapple?"

"...Help me..."

* * *

Cuxie: That felt good for some reason. Maybe this story isn't so bad. I'll keep trying. 

Lettuce: You're so CRUEL!

Cuxie: Silence!(thunder voice)

Lettuce:(cowers in a corner)

Cuxie: R&R please. And stay tuned for the next chapter of "Mew Mew Couple Therapy"! Reviewers get a treat next time since I was too lazy to do reviews this chapter.


	4. Lettuce go BOOM!

Cuxie: I'm ba-aaaaack!

Ichigo: Oh, joy.

Cuxie: You've got no enthusiasm!

Ichigo: You're trying to kill us!

Cuxie: Mou? I would never! Torment you? Yes. But kill you? Never!

Ichigo: You are sooo evil.

Cuxie: Tell me something I don't know. But I don't have time to deal with you. I've got reviewers to deal with!

**BuKitten:** You're M-12's friend, right? Thanks! Poor Lettuce nothin! I think she deserves it!

Lettuce: Waaaaaaaah!

Ichigo:(trying to comfort Lettuce)Evil!

**Old-Fashioned Girl22: **Thankies! I love your story "5 mews and a baby"! I wish you'd update.

**candycandycandy:** ThankYouThankYouThankYou!(absolutely necessary)XD

**NyammiToast:** I may just bring The Baka back. Not sure when though. Thanks for reviewing!

**Mew Strawberri: **I love that word! "uber" Sounds like something Sacchan would say.XD Thanks for reviewing!

**rd2luv:** See Ichigo? Everyone loves my evilness!

Ichigo: Whatever. They don't have to suffer from it!

Cuxie: Oh hush! It's entertaining! Heh. Thanks!

Cuxie: Done! Done!

Ichigo: You seem more enthusiastic about this story.(asks suspicously)_Why?_

Cuxie: Heehee! Cause this chapter I get to push you all off a cliff!

Ichigo:WHAT?!?!!

Cuxie: Yep! Roll chappy!

Ichigo: No! WAIT!

* * *

The chibis were now taken care of and it was time to move on to the next exercise. Trust exercise(with a twist!).

"I'm sure you all have heard of the Trust Exercise." Cuxie made a point of asking.

"Yeah." Ryou answered. "Isn't that when you fall back and you have to trust your partner to catch you?"

"Yes! But for my own personal entertainment, instead of just falling back you will have to jump off a cliff and trust that your partner will be able to pull the lever on the other side of the of the room to deploy the crash pad in time." she said with an innocent smile.

"..." Everyone's jaw had dropped and their eyes were the size of dinner plates. "A-and if they don't pull the lever in time?" Ichigo asked fearfully.

"...Ouch...Then it was nice knowing ya." Silence engulfed the room for a few seconds but was followed by crying and pleas for help.

"GET US THE -bleep- OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

"HEEEEELP!!!!!!"

"**SHUT THE -bleep- UP YOU -bleeping- IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**(Cuxie's thunder voice XD)

It was silent as Cuxie typed up a 115ft. cliff complete with jagged, pointy rocks at the bottom. Then she brought in someone who looked like the devil. "This is Satan's twin brother, Soton."

"You can call me Bob." he said waving his fire-red pitch fork.

"Jumping off the cliff is not opptional. So if you don't go willingly Bob here will push ya." She explained just as sweetly as if she were talking to a 4-year-old. TMM was huddled in a corner as far away from Cuxie and Bob as possible. "Now! Your partners will be..."

Ichigo/Pai

Lettuce/Pandapple

Mint/Ryou

Zakuro/Kish

Pudding/Keichiiro

Tart/???

"Who's my partner?" Tart asked. Everyone looked around, but no one was left.

"Ooh! I have an idea." Cuxie exclaimed grinning evilly. She whipped out her cell. "Hellolo!...Oh it must be hell!...HAHA!!...Can I borrow him a minute?...I knew you would...Thanks! Byeas!" she closed her cell and smiled at the group. "Good news! Satan has agreed to let us borrow Masaya!"

"You shoulda asked him when he's giving my CD back!" Bob shouted from atop the cliff.

"It's about time that Baka jumped off a cliff." Ryou smirked.

"I'm right here!" Masaya screamed.(he showed up after Cuxie hung up but no one cared)

"Ask us if we care."

"...Do you care?" he asked dumbly.

"NO!!!!" Everyone shouted.

"Umm...Ms. Cuxie? Are you sure it's a good idea to pair me with Pandapple?" Lettuce asked meekly.

"...Heheh. For a minute there I thought you were questioning my decision." Cuxie said glaring slightly. "But I'm sure you know better." Lettuce shut-up and backed into a corner.

"Now lets get started! First up...Ichigo and Pai! Oops! I almost forgot!" Cuxie strapped 3 weird flashing collars around the aliens' necks, disabling their powers. "_Now_ lets get started!"

Ichigo was going to jump first. Pai was positoned across the room from where the lever was. "You better reach that lever Pai!" Ichigo screamed from her position next to Bob.

"Yeah, yea. Whatever." Ichigo was trembling when the buzzer went off and Cuxie yelled _JUMP!_ She was too scared to move so Bob pushed her with his pitch-fork.

"That was fun." he said grinning.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Pai had ambled over and was dwindling with the lever. Not quite pulling it.

"Pull it you idiot!!!!!" Ryou and Kish yelled then looked at each other strangely. Pai sighed.

"Fine." Just as she was about to hit rock-bottom, Pai pulled the lever and she was saved by a giant moshi.

"Ichigo! Are you all right?!" She stared wide-eyed heaving before she finally passed out.

"Geez! Does she suffer from sleeping spells or something? She's _always_ fainting!" Cuxie shouted annoyed. "You're up Lettuce." Lettuce was poofed up onto the cliff with Bob. Cuxie was grinning as evil as ever.

"Don't worry Lettuce!" Pandapple shouted smiling cutely at her. "I'll save you." This seemed to give her a little more confidence. But not enough to jump so Bob pushed her.

"I love doing that!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I'm coming!" Pandapple made a move towards the lever but was jerked back. "Uh, Cuxie?"

"Hmm?"

"You still got me on this chain." he said tugging it slightly.

"Heh. I know." Cuxie said with her oh so evil grin. "Muahahaha!!" The small bear's eyes wided as he realized what she meant.

"LETTUCE!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

Cuxie: Muahahahaha!!!

Pandapple:O.o You're gonna kill her?!

Cuxie: Heheh. Maaaaybe!

Pandapple: Poor Lettuce! .

Cuxie: R&R! Wouldn't wanna miss the next chapter would we?

Pandapple:...Help me...


	5. Swirly! Whoo!

Cuxie: Ok! Let's get this story back on the road!

Lettuce: D-Do we h-h-have to?

Cuxie:(glaring)Don't you have somewhere to be? Ooops! I forgot. No one gives a crap about you so I guess you really don't have anywhere to go.

Lettuce:(sniffling)W-W-Why are you s-s-so c-cruel to me?

Cuxie:(imitating Lettuce)W-W-Why c-c-can't you t-talk right?

Lettuce: WAAAAAAAAH!!(runs off crying)

Cuxie: Now...let's start this thing already! I'm skipping reviews this chappy. And I don't own TMM. ROLL IT!!

* * *

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

"LETTUCE!!" Pandapple yanked furiously at the chain which Cuxie had linked to a hook in the wall. The authoress cackled evilly as Lettuce plummeted down to Earth. _What do I do?!...__**Nothing**__...Eh? Cuxie?...__**Yes?**__...Get out of my thoughts!...__**Heehee! Why? I like it here. Roomy.**__...Out!...__**Oh fine! Killjoy. Just remember...there's nothing you can do...nothing...nothing...nothing**_(fading echo)_**...NOTHING!!**_

The small bear groaned. "So annoying..." Scratching his apple cap, he gasped. "That's it!" reaching in to some unknown pocket he pulled out a bright red apple. "My one and only weapon." Taking careful aim he hurled it at the lever...which broke by the way. _Yes!...__**I thought I told you not to do anything!**__...I thought I told you to stay outta my thoughts...__**Touchee.**_

"WAAAAA--!" Lettuce landed on a large purple moshi, bouncing lightly. "Ahhh..." She moaned, her face growing an alarming shade of green. "I-I don't feel so go...good."

"Ugh. Man you SUCK!! Why can't you just die! And YOU!" Cuxie pointed an accusatory finger at Pandapple. "I told you not to do anything!"

"You thought it to me. I don't wanna be here anymore! Let me go!"

"Hmph! Fine!" Cuxie typed and a hand arouse from the ground and dragged Pandapple to the Underworld.

"AHH!! NOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo..."

"Now...position for my sidekick is open for grabs! Let's get on with the exercise."

"How? The lever broke." Ryou pointed out, which was code for: "Why? So you can try to kill us again?"

"Hmmm...okaaaaaaay. New game!"

"Awww!" Pudding whined. "I wanted to jump on the moshi!"

"I wanted to push more people!" Bob complained.

"I wanted to watch Masaya die!" Tart piped.

"I'M STILL HERE!!" The Baka yelled in annoyance.

" I want, I want, I want. That's all you people ever say. Well **I** want to play a new game! And what I say goes!" Suddenlly the room transformed and the group was hurled into a time portal dimension thingy. It was all swirly and stuff! Cuxie was listening to an iPod that materialized out of nowhere.

"I'm not gonna write you a love song! Cause ya asked for it--"

"I hate that song." Mint pouted.

"I know. But it's stuck in my head."

"Where are we going?"

"To a sound proof room for the next exercise."

"Uh-huh. So is this room in the future or something?"

"No. Actually it's right down the hall from the room we were just in."

"So why do we need a time portal?" Ryou interjected. Earning a glare from Mint.

"'Cause it's fun!" Ryou gave Cuxie a look. "C'mon! You gotta admit it's cool how it's all swirly and stuff!"

"This is fun!" Keichiiro yelled rocking back in forth.

"Ya see what you do? Now Kei's losing it." Cuxie snorted.

"Like he ever had it."

"What happens if you touch th--" The Baka reached out to touch the swirliness and was immediately sucked into some unknown time. Cuxie rolled her eyes.

"That."

The portal began to fade away(aww man!) and they were all seated in a room that looked exactly the same as the first. Zakuro was the first to point this out. "We didn't go anywhere."

"Heehee! Of course we did, ducklings! We're now in a sound proof room."

"Why does it have to be sound proof?"

"Because for this next exercise you will all reveal your deepest darkest _seeeeeeecrets_! Shh!"

"...I hate you."

* * *

Cuxie: Done!

Mint: Do you come up with this stuff off the top of your head, or do you have _Torture Fo Dummies_ stashed away somewhere?

Cuxie: Now now, chikadee. No need to get so snippy. It may come back to haunt you next chappy(evil smirk).

Mint:(gulp)

Cuxie: R&R!! And sorry I couldn't let you guys push people off a cliff. I would've but that would have drasticly altered the story. If you guys have any ideas for my new sidekick tell me! Ja ne!


	6. SHUDDAP!

Cuxie: Ugh. I'm updating! DON'T KILL ME!!

Ichigo: She doesn't mean that! Feel free to get your guns and knives ready, people! Please?! PUT HER OUT OF OUR MISERY!!

Cuxie:(whacks Ichi with baseball bat)That was SO rude! You all love me! RIGHT?!

TMM: Oh yeah! Sure! Definitely!

Cuxie: Hmph! thought so. Now onto more important thing. I'm sorry to say I've got a bajillion updates to do after this. So to save time I'm skipping reviews. Sowwy! But here!(gives out candy apples to all reviewies)Enjoy! ROLL CHAPPY!!

**And for those inquiring minds, I hate Lettuce because she's a clumsy Mary-Sue, and part of the reason Ichi and RyRy never got together! SO SHE CAN BURN IN HELL FOR ALL I CARE!!**

* * *

"Heh heh. This'll be fun! Now here are the rules: Don't lie." Cuxie explained simply.

"That's it?" Pai asked suspiciously and Cuxie nodded. Just as the group decided this seemed like the safest thing they'd done all day a girl appeared out of thin air. "Who's that?"

"Oh, this is Mika-chan. My new sidekick. She'll be helping with the exercise."

"Hey. What's up?" the girl waved smilling a bit creepilly.

"How's she gonna help us na no da?" Pudding asked curiously. Cuxie and Mika exchanged knowing looks and Cuxie took out her lab-top. Typing quickly, a huge machine appeared along with wired headsets and prongs. "What the--!"

"This is a lie detecter. If you break my one and only rule Mika-chan here will press a button that will give you a loooong _painfull_ shock. It may leave you paralyzed. Seriously. I wouldn't lie if I were you."

"This'll be fun..." Mika grinned evilly while placing headsets on each person other than Cuxie and herself. " Naughty liars will be punished."

"Yay! Now everyone sit in a circle!" Cuxie instructed. The group sighed fearfully trying not to get the wires on their headsets tangled as they sat in a perfect circle. "Mika-chan. If you will."

Mika grinned and pressed a small green button on the overly-complicated machine. Chin straps instantly enabled themselves on the headsets locking them on the unfortunate souls cursed to wear them.

"Whoo! Alright! Kei go first! Step forward and tell us your deepest, darkest, most embarrassing secret! Keichiiro stepped forward nervously as all eyes were on him. He gulped and looked down.

"No! Look up! Into the camera!" Cuxie hissed holding a video camera. Keichiiro looked up and paled.

"Well...uh...w-what if I don't have a secret?"

"Mika-chan!"

"Gotcha!" she pressed a large red button and Keichiiro lit up like a christmas light from the electric shock! A pretty blue color actually. Lighter than baby blue, but not quite sky blue. Electric blue! "MUAHAHAHA!!" Mika and Cuxie cackled evilly.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" Keichiiro yelled in pain.Suddenly Lettuce was shocked as well.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" Lettuce shrieked in just as much pain. Everyone else backed away from them and watched the scene in wonderment. Kish and Tart laughed lightly.

"What the Hell?!" Ryou shouted. "Why is Lettuce getting shocked too?!"

"Oh. Everytime you guys lie Lettuce will also be shocked." Cuxie explained flashing a V-sign.

"Wh--"

"For my own personal enjoyment. Kei-chaaan! Are you ready to confess?" she asked sweetly. Keichiiro couldn't respond but continued to scream. "I'll take that as a yes. Pause Mika-chan!" Mika sighed, a little dissapointed, but stopped the machine. "Kei-chan?"

"O-Ok! I-I-I'll tell you! Just PLEASE!! Don't do that again!" he begged twitching slightly. Lettuce had passed out from the pain.

"Now we're all friends here. Please share with us Kei-chan." Cuxie said in a sickly sweet voice that made him cringe.

"Yes m'am. Well, um, I'm...I'm..."

"Spit it out!"

"I'MAFRAIDOFLEMONADE!!" he blurted out embarrassed.

"...Can you repeat that?" she asked incrediously, holding a mic to his face. "I must of heard wrong." He took a long exasperated breath.

"I'm afraid of lemonade."

"...Why?" Cuxie and several other people asked, unsure of what else to say.

"Is that why you never let me buy Minute Maid in the summer?!" Ryou asked angrily.

"Have you ever gotten that stuff in your eyes?! IT BURNS MAN!! IT _**BUUURNS**_!!" he yelled breaking down in sobs. "It...burns...WAAAAH!!" he started to cry hysterically and curled up into a ball on the floor, crying and rocking. Rocking and crying.

"Um...wow." Cuxie took out her cellphone while Kish and Tart decided it would be fun to poke Keichiiro with a stick. "Bob! We're in crisis mode: HB! Get over here!...I don't care! Just get here now before he goes completely insane!...third drawer...Kay. Byeas!" she shut the phone with a satisfied sigh. "Don't worry Kei-chan! Help is on the way!"

Just then Bob appeared in the doorway holding his pitchfork and wearing a fluffy bunny suit.

"You know what to do." Bob grunted and went over to Keichiiro hesitantly while Kish and Tart backed away. He looked back at Cuxie who nodded and taking one last deep breath he...hugged Keichiiro.

"It's okay..." Bob said tiredly. "...H-Hugs make everything b-b-better!" he choked out. Keichiiro nodded and started sobbing incoherent statements all over Bob's bunny suit. Which is really bad. Incoherent stains are very hard to get out. "Man! I just had the suit dry cleaned!" he yelled trying to push Keichiiro off.

The Mews and aliens turned to look at Cuxie and Mika, who was laughing and pointing at Keichiiro. "What the hell?!" Ichigo shouted.

"What?" Cuxie asked innocently. "HB stands for HugBunny."

"You don't wanna know what BIH stands for." Mika commented. "Trust me." Ichigo nodded and sat back down.

"Kish!"

"What?" he asked annoyed.

"You're up next!" Cuxie announced. "Mika-chan! Spotlight please!" Kish stepped forward but nothing happened. "Mika-chan, wheres the spotlight?"

"Uh, we're having technical difficulties." she said laughing nervously.

"Well I guess I can't go!" Kish said getting up and taking a place next to Tart in the circle.

"Can we please focus on getting this loser off of me!" Bob yelled trying to pry Keichiiro from his fluffy suit.

"WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LOVE ME?!" Keichiiro cried desparetly.

"WHY DO I HAVE TO WEAR THIS SUIT!?" Bob yelled angrily.

"WHY CAN'T I HAVE ANY MINUTE-MAID LEMONADE?!"

"WHY WON'T LETTUCE WAKE UP??"

"WHY IS EVERYONE HERE SO LAME?!"

"WHY ARE YOU ALL SHOUTING?!" Everyone started yelling at the top of there lungs. Shouting out random quetsions and generally being stupid.

"What the heck is wrong with these people?" Mika asked quietly.

"I'm not entirely sure, but my theory is that they're all insane in their own special way. Except Keichiiro. He's insane in the regular way." Cuxie explained. "Maybe we should wait until they've either calmed down or destroyed their vocal cords to continue."

"Yeah. I want icecream!" Mika exclaimed.

"Me too! With Oreos!" Cuxie shouted, typing up a smaller soundproof room inside the large one, Mika and Cuxie enjoyed their icecream, watching the criminally insane TMM crew kill themselves from the inside. "Maybe we should get Bob outta there."

"Nah. Too much work."

"Poor Kei-chan...not really."

* * *

Cuxie: Very...er...random. I will continue with all the secrets next chapter.

Mika: And I'll continue to shock people next chapter.

Kish: And I will continue to be tortured next chapter.

Mika: KISH-KUN!!(glomps Kish)

Cuxie: R&R!! Mika-chan! I don't think he can breathe!O.o


	7. Bob's gonna get in trouble!

Cuxie: Muahaha...

Ichigo: Evil laughter...never a good sound.

Cuxie: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ...What story is this?

Ichigo:(smacks forehead) Unbelievable!

Cuxie: OOOH!! This is MMCT!!

TMM: WHAT?!

Ichigo: W-We thought you abandoned this story!

Cuxie: Weeeellll...I was considering it. (Seriously! I just realized I haven't updated in over a year! Yikes!) But I'm bored right now and I wanna make you all cry! So ROLL IT!!

* * *

"Hey...I think they're done." Mika said, licking a strawberry icecream cone. She looked out at the members of TMM who had stupidly destroyed their voices by yelling about nothing. "Idiots..."

Cuxie was busying devouring a Cookies n' Cream cone. "Mmm mphem mmn mmumn mn."

"What?"

"This tastes like rainbow happiness! And I just got a great idea!" She whispered something in Mika's ear.

Her eyes lit up. "That _is_a great idea!" Cuxie whispered something else and Mika gaped in horror. "That is _not_ a great idea."

"Oh, c'mon! It'll be fun!"

Mika groaned. "But I don't wanna--"

"You'll get to kiss Kish."

"I'm in!"

"Great!" Cuxie cleared her throat. "Attention everyone! NEW GAME!!!" Several sighs went around the room and everyone gave her exasperated looks. "Since we had, er, technical difficulties," she gave Mika a knowing look. "this next game will involve no technology whatsoever! And it's very simple."

"Can I tell them?" Mika asked excitedly.

Cuxie shrugged. "Eh, why not?"

"Yes! Next is, drumroll please."

Silence.

"Ahem! I said, drumroll please."

(Are those crickets?)

"BOB!!"

Bob jumped. "What?!"

"I _said_, DRUMROLL!!"

He rolled his eyes. "Right. Obviously that was at me." He looked around. "What drum?"

"Find one."

He muttered angrily to himself until he finally settled on drumming Keichiiro's head.

Mika smiled. "That's better. Now....We're having _Kissing Lessons_!"

Cuxie clapped. "Yes! Now that Mika-chan has made the important announcement...any objections?" She looked around. Hoarse wails and silent cries went up, but everyone's voice was too hoarse and sore to be heard. Cuxie grinned deviously. "None? Everyone wants to do it?" Ichigo shook her head furiously and Mint and Ryou looked around desperately for anything to write on. "Perfect! Now--"

"Um, I-I rather not do this," Lettuce mumbled.

Cuxie stared at her.

"If that's okay!"

_Staaaaaaaaare_.

"Um, Cuxie-sama?"

"WHY CAN YOU STILL TALK?!"

"I'm against verbal altercations. I'm not much of a shouter."

"ARRH!! That's it! You're going first!" Cuxie pointed at her. "BOB!! GET OVER HERE!!"

Bob took the three steps needed to get to her. "You called?" She whispered something in his ear. He frowned. "You don't pay me enough for this."

"I'll make up for it in your Christmas bonus."

"Well can I change first at least?" He asked, pointing irritatedly at his fluffy-bunny suit.

"No. _Now!_Everyone form two lines! Guys in front of Mika! Girls in front of Bob!" No one moved. "Uh, NOW!!"

All of two minutes later, the voiceless members of Tokyo Mew Mew were arranged in two lines. Pai, Ryou, Tart, Kish, and Keichiiro were lined up in front of Mika. And Lettuce, Ichigo, Mint, Pudding, and Zakuro were lined up in front of Bob.

"Alright! I'll be right back!" Cuxie went up in a puff of smoke...and reappeared through the door in a black and white racer tee and a flag. "Okay! On your marks, get set...."

Ichigo started jumping up and down. "W-Wait!" She wheezed.

"What _now_, Ichigo?"

She rasped something incomprehensible. Cuxie snapped her fingers, producing a pen and paper for her. **I thought these were lessons. Not a race! And while I can communicate, why do we have to practice on Bob? I mean, really! What could we possibly be getting out of this? What are we getting out of any of these so-called "exercises"? THIS IS ALL JUST BEEN A BIG GAME FOR YOU, HASN'T IT?!?!?!?!**She handed the paper to Cuxie and crossed her arms.

Cuxie destroyed it, but not before passing it onto Bob.

He glared. "And just what is _that_ supposed to mean Miss My First Kiss Was With a Cat?!"

Cuxie pushed them apart. "Ok. Ok. Now if you'll recall, I was about to wave a flag! You never interrupt when someone's about to wave a flag! Now, if I'm done being interrupted..." Major room-wide glare. She raised a stop watch. "Ten seconds for each kiss...GO!!"

Mika immediately grabbed Pai, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and tossed him aside. She did the same with the others...until she got to Kish. "Mine!"

"Mika-chan," Cuxie cried, watching her furiously attack Kish with her mouth. "that's not how its supposed to work!" She shook her head, sighing, and looked over at the girls' side.

Bob and Lettuce were staring at each other.

Cuxie sighed, then went and tapped Ichigo on the shoulder. "If you push her, you won't have to do this," she whispered.

Ichigo grinned and quickly shoved Lettuce against Bob. "Sorry!" she whispered.

"MMPH!!" Lettuce blushed bright red while Bob took a large step back, letting her fall flat on her face.

Cuxie laughed. "That's entertainment!"

Ichigo looked relieved. _At least __**I**__ don't have to kiss him._

Cuxie stepped behind her, grinning devilishly at Mint. "If you push her," she gestured to Ichigo. "you won't have to kiss Bob." Mint's eyes lit up and she nodded. Cuxie giggled. _This is WAY too easy!_

"Blech!" Bob ripped his mouth away from Ichigo, who looked deeply offended, and glared at the authoress in charge. "Cuxie! I've had it! This was NOT in my job description!"

"Excuse me, but your description is very broad and specifically states that you will 'Participate/Assist in any and all activities to take place in Couple Therapy as directed by MewCuxie12.' So, yeah, it was, actually." She stuck her tongue out at him.

"That's it! I don't have to take this! I QUIT!!" Bob ripped off his bunny ears and stomped on them. Which was really unnecessary. I mean, the suits gonna need major dry-cleaning as it is. It's got Kei's incoherent stains all over it!

Cuxie gaped. "Y-You can't quit! I OWN YOU!!"

"Oh yeah? Well you can't make me stay!" He stuck his tongue out at her.

"Oh can't I?" Cuxie typed furiously on her notebook, muttering to herself. A steady fear was growing in Bob's tummy. It exploded when Cuxie sat back, smirking at him.

"...What did you just--"

"SOTON JEREMIAH LUCIFER!!!"

His eyes widened. "You called my MOTHER?!"

* * *

Cuxie: Teehee! Fun!

Bob: Why?!

Cuxie: Oh, ya know, to cause you pain.

Bob: But I was a member of your team!

Cuxie: Yes...and then you defied me. So I called your mommy in to talk some sense into you.

Satan: You're gonna get in trou-ble!

Cuxie: Teehee! I'm back! R&R!!


End file.
